The Upgrade Experience

“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.”  - Mark Twain Tooooooooo often, many of us base our image of ourselves from the perception of others.  We don't really try to do that, but it happens that way.  We let the opinions of others distort our view, the most important view. In doing so, we lose focus in an unclean mirror, a mirror smudged with judgment, disappointment, & failed attempts. But, ohhhhhhh what a little cleaning will do!!! Be brutally honest about where you are in life right now... Is this where you planned on being 10 years ago? For alot of us, that answer is "no"... That's cool, though... We all have the power to live the life that we want, believe it or not. How did you get to the place where you are now? What is keeping you from living the life that you desire? When you answer those questions, thing become a little more clear.  Now, think of some of things that people have said about you... Is there any truth to what...

"You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need." - Mick Jagger As humans, we are in constant need... Even when we think we don't need anything, we oftentimes feel that we do... It's a never-ending cycle of needs being met and new needs arising... But it's not an issue of you possibly needing something... The issue is, exactly what do you feel that you need and how relevant is that need to your everyday living? And what can you do to insure that need is met consistently? Now, I can't even front... Over the years, there's been ALOT of stuff that I became mentally trained to think that I needed... Sooooooo much unnecessary bullshit, ya'll... I swear... LoL... I mean, c'mon... In reality, no one NEEDS to have their nails done in the salon every 2 weeks, no one NEEDS a new pair of pumps every week, no one NEEDS to eat out 3 times a week... I can go on and on with this, man... There a...

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened..." - Dr. Seuss  Last night, I cried... HARD... I cried for my mother and my father... I cried for my friends who are going through... I cried for my marriage and for loves lost... I cried for every hurt that my children may have ever experienced... I cried for the future & the uncertainty of it... I cried, ya'll... And then I wiped my tears away and exhaled... I didn't feel bad about the fact that I had cried... Crying has a tendency to make me feel "weak' sometimes... I don't like to feel weak... This time, however, I felt relieved... I also knew that it wouldn't be the last time I cried, and I'm okay with that... It's important to stand on some kind of faith KNOWING that after the tears lies hope... There lies a new day, a second chance... There's so much tragedy going on in this world... I lost my mama almost a month ago, but since then I've witnessed so many...

" We've all had situationships...  Good sex, bad relationships... " - Fabolous Okay, so I feel a certain way about music... Like, for REAL... A single verse can capture the ENTIRE essence of what a person is feeling at any given moment n time... Words against beats... Lost in the sound, the emotion... It's amazing how you can hear a song & think,"Damn, have they been looking through my window? Reading my emails & texts???" Ijs... For the past few hours, I've have one song on repeat... "Situationships"... Fabolous... His new "The Soul Tape 3" mixtape... Omgosh... Like, for REAL? The story of my life... I'm very open & honest about my life... My story is my testimony... Everything that I've been through has been necessary for my growth... What's scaring me though is that after all the bullshit, I've become the ULTIMATE realist... I don't give ANYONE a chance to even TRY to sell me a wolf ticket... I...

That's what people do who love you. They put their arms around you and love you when you're not so lovable.”  ―  Deb Caletti I actually wrote this over a year & a half ago as a Facebook note, & my day one Tenille recently reminded me of it... It's speaking to my spirit, ya'll... How many times have you heard that saying??? "Blood is thicker than water..."  Uuuuum, I'm sure it is, duh!!! LoL... Take a seat, collect a sample of the two, and see for yourself... I mean, u can't deny it!!! However, we use the phrase in reference to the difference in the bond between blood-related folks & non-blood related folks.  I've always understood the theory, but that doesn't mean I've always, or ever will, agree with it... See, there's a bit of a "gypsy spirit" in me... ;) I am a firm & avid supporter of "free love"... Your ULTIMATE free-spirit, if you will...  There are folks who are born into this w...

"What if God were one of us? Just a slob like one of us? Just a stranger on a bus trying to make his way home???" - Chris Ramsey I'm a nomad...  I call myself that with a bit of reserve... I guess because when YOU read that, it damned near sounds like "homeless"... LoL... But, there's a back-story to that... When I left home for college at UAPB, I went into the dorms l;like most folks... During my sophomore year, my mama couldn't afford the room & board, so I was having to drive back & forth from Little Rock to Pine Bluff everyday & that just wasn't working for the kid... So, it was decided that I would move in with my boyfriend at the time (who later became my BABY DADDY & husband) to cut down on the stress of the commute...  And that was the beginning of it all... After college, we moved to Texas & every house we moved into was better than the last one... The last home that we owned was my favorite... It was on acreage ...

"Life is too important to take seriously." - Corky Siegel It's 1:32 am & I've been home about 20 minutes...  I'm text-beefing (which I stand STRONGLY against) with someone I car about...  I just ate some one's taco & they're probably gonna be PISSED in the morning... I'm listening to "My Heart Will Go On'" (wtf)... I'm in the clouds... And guess what??? All is right with the world... Sometimes, you just have to live a little...  If I spent EVERY waking moment worrying about my MANY trials in life, I'd be FUCKED... (Please excuse the language, but that word TRULY captures the essence of how I'd feel...)  I have to take moments in this life and just LIVE... Just enjoy the little things... Appreciating a good meal with even better company...  Having a drink and a laugh... Noticing the way that a man looks at me when I walk by him, just from the hint of my perfume... Hearing my daughter call me just to say, "Mama...