Just Roaming...

"What if God were one of us? Just a slob like one of us? Just a stranger on a bus trying to make his way home???"
- Chris Ramsey

I'm a nomad...  I call myself that with a bit of reserve... I guess because when YOU read that, it damned near sounds like "homeless"... LoL... But, there's a back-story to that...

When I left home for college at UAPB, I went into the dorms l;like most folks... During my sophomore year, my mama couldn't afford the room & board, so I was having to drive back & forth from Little Rock to Pine Bluff everyday & that just wasn't working for the kid... So, it was decided that I would move in with my boyfriend at the time (who later became my BABY DADDY & husband) to cut down on the stress of the commute...  And that was the beginning of it all... After college, we moved to Texas & every house we moved into was better than the last one... The last home that we owned was my favorite... It was on acreage & felt like my "safe"haven"...  Hell, until the feds hit...  It didn't feel so safe anymore... Ijs...

I moved back to Pine Bluff shortly there after, spent two years there, & now I've been back in Little Rock since July...  When I came back to Little Rock, I went completely balls-to-the-walls, man...  I decided to just truly be ME... I did a little fucking up along the way, though... LoL... No lie... I moved in with my brother because he liver around the corner from my mama & that was the purpose of me coming back, to be closer to her... Well, things went "astray" to say the least over that way, so I ended up moving in with my best friend...

I'm in the process of looking at homes & apartments, but I have developed this "nomad complex"... That's the best term I can give for it...  I don't know where I belong anymore... I don't know where I want to live...  I don't know who I want to be around... I'm just roaming... My time is winding down & I have some decisions to make... I'm just asking God to order my steps & direct this upgrade where it needs to go...

Please note than in sharing my life through my blogs, I'm also sharing my testimony...  I've lived the life that some people twice my age could never have dreamed of living... I've also fallen far from grace & have had to get myself up & try again...  But please believe, I'm still standing, baby...

'Til next time... XoXoXo

Comments

Unknown said…
Ok FIRST of all I'm at work reading this and TEARS are flowing!!!! Jennifer, i promise two weeks ago i felt like this "nomad clmplex"...don't know which way to go or who to talk to without being JUDGED or WE TOLD U SO. i too thought i was abt to live my life complete with the man i have known for 20 plus years. I gave UP everything bc i can truly say I LOVED THE PERSON I KNEW BK IN SCHOOL AND ADULT YEARS...there wasn't anything i wouldn't do for him bc he made me feel like his Queen...so i thought. Within two months i saw the signs of something going wrong but love was blind and i stayed. Things went sour later and i still stayed...if those four walls can talk bc i lived the mental abuse...never physical but it might ad well been. In may of this yr my heart hit rock bottom bc the truth was told on may 4th...i had to leave. I went into a deep depression for two months...not good and to only find out later the man i loved so much, well YOU know the story. I say this bc i can relate to how you are feeling now. I have since then found a house after living with my cousin for three months and my HOUSE does not feel like a HOME. Something deep within will not let me get comfortable bc my Ex is still within my spirit. I have prayed to release my heart from that spirit but something is telling me to keep close...it's not a good feeling but ad you know, i keep his soul close. I dont know God`s plan for me, him, or US but whatever it is, it needs to come to light bc I'm tired of holding on. We as women LOVE for many reason aft we have fault a good fight but to only receive the short end of the stick. What is it abt us (women) we love and fight hard for the men that comes and goes in our lives?
December 16, 2013 at 9:41 AM
Unknown said…
Complex...correction
December 16, 2013 at 9:42 AM
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