The "Queen of Detachment" is Relinquishing Her Throne

Yep, I said it...

I'm finally stepping down...

The "Queen of Detachment" is no more... *sighs*

detachment [dɪˈtætʃmənt]
n
1. indifference to other people or to one's surroundings; aloofness

2. (Psychology) freedom from self-interest or bias; disinterest

3. the act of disengaging or separating something

4. the condition of being disengaged or separated; disconnection

I've always prided myself on my ability to detach myself from ANY situation...  I tried to look at it as a gift & a curse, but all along it was only just a curse...  It was my defense mechanism, my way of protecting myself from getting hurt.  All along I was hurting myself more and even worse, hurting people who cared about me.

I guess you can peg it as the "love 'em & leave 'em" syndrome...  I'd let people get close, whether for a brief moment or a designated season, and just like THAT I'd detach myself completely... I mean, no phone calls, texts, emails... You could come by my house and I was subject to not even answer the door...  Sometimes I would do that on the cusp of my own personal issues... Just vamp out...  Other times I'd do it because I didn't want to disappoint someone with promises that I wanted to keep, but for some reason or another, could never pull off...  I've pushed SO many people away doing that bullshit!!!! Now, some of them didn't need to be in my life in the first place... But others... Lord, COUNTLESS others have been there for me and I pulled a disappearing act on them ...  Magic... WALA!!! I've always been that chick in the room surrounded by people, but still felt completely all alone... That's no way to live... No way at all...

Over the next couple of days (hell, probably weeks), I'm going on a mission of reattachment.  I'm reaching out to my family and friends who I've pushed away... Whether or not they receive me is a scene left to unfold... I'm starting with my brother & sister, Chris & Rita, & then I'm gonna keep the party going with my class of '99 crew, my Steven's 3rd floor posse, my Louisiana fam, my Texas trill homies, and then continuing with whoever God places on my heart... It's been a long time coming, ya'll...

My upgrade would be IMPOSSIBLE without letting go of self-destructive past behaviors... I don't want to be the "Queen of Detachment"... I just wanna be a QUEEN, boo... ;)

'Til next time... XoXoXo

Comments

Unknown said…
This really hit home.
November 27, 2012 at 8:30 PM
Unknown said…
Jenn, I'm so this girl! Wow, we're more similar than I thought! Go figure!
November 28, 2012 at 9:16 AM
Unknown said…
Oh wow, I loved this post. As I read it, I felt myself questioning my own actions.
November 28, 2012 at 12:41 PM
lmb said…
it's as if you have been living my life for so long i started this same thing once i got hurt one to many times it was proble around the age of 7 or 8 sad huh? I got tierd of getting hurt so i would work the hardest on trying to push people away than allow them in my circle just to get hurt one more time. that's alright thou God has dealt with me in such a way this year that i think that i will be joining ur mission God had to allow me to see what a beautiful person that I really was on the inside and out before I could even think about loving someone else other than myself its been a long time coming but im ready now like Marvin Sapp say I am stronger Im wiser Im better now it might have took me going through alot of hell but im ready for my new life starting now nov 28 2012 8:57 pm
November 28, 2012 at 6:03 PM
Kim Pin said…
Love this...I always say I'm sometiming, I need to take your advice & reach out to some people...now I just need to know how I'm gonna do this as a person who hates to talk on the phone
December 17, 2012 at 8:51 AM
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